INTRODUCTION

The “Order of Christian Funerals” is the church document which outlines the funeral rites of the church as well as their meaning and purpose. The following quotes are from the Introductory Norms for Catholic Funerals.

THE PUBLIC CELEBRATION OF A CATHOLIC’S FUNERAL

“At the death of a Christian, whose life was begun in the waters of baptism and strengthened at the Eucharistic table, the Church intercedes on behalf of the deceased because of its confident belief that death does not end nor does it break the bonds forged in life. . . Christians celebrate funeral rites to offer worship, praise, and thanksgiving to God for the gift of life which has now been returned to God. . . The Church commends the dead to God’s merciful love and pleads for the forgiveness of their sins. . . the celebration brings hope and consolation.”So, as has been said elsewhere, funerals are for prayer – not eulogies.

PLANNING THE RITES

“In planning and carrying out the funeral rites, the pastor and all other ministers should keep in mind the life of the deceased and the circumstances of death. . . the spiritual and psychological needs of the family. . . Christians respect and honor the bodies of the dead and the places where they rest. . .”

“In every celebration for the dead, the Church attaches great importance to the reading of the Word of God…they may not be replaced by non-biblical readings…”

“A brief homily based on the readings should be given…but there must never be a eulogy…attentive to the grief of those present, the homilist should dwell on God’s compassionate love…”

“The music at funerals should support, console, and uplift the participants…the texts chosen should express the paschal mystery of the lord’s suffering, death, and triumph over death and should be related to the readings from scripture…an organist, cantor, even a choir, should support the assembly’s full participation in the singing…”

Only Christian symbols may rest on or be placed near the coffin during the funeral liturgy.  Any other symbols, for example, national flags or flags or insignia of associations, have no place in the funeral liturgy…”

Under the specific rubrics of the “Final Commendation” within the funeral liturgy, one brief reference is made to the possibility of family members speaking at the funeral Mass: “A member or a friend of the family may speak in remembrance of the deceased before the final commendation begins.”

THE CELEBRATION OF FUNERALS AT ST. PIUS TENTH CHURCH    

A Parish Minister will meet with the family to prepare the funeral Mass.  The minister will explain the meaning and significance of a Catholic Funeral Mass from church rubrics.  A copy of these guidelines will be reviewed in detail and given to the family.

Funeral Masses are celebrated at either 9:30 a.m. or 11:00 a.m. Monday – Saturday (except holydays)

Floral arrangements are welcome.  If desired, a picture of the decease with memorial cards may be displayed in the gathering area.

Recorded music or non-worship music may not be used within the funeral Mass.  Appropriate recorded music can be used at the wake and at the cemetery.

Liturgical music appropriate to the liturgical season, and the funeral rite may be chosen.  The role of organist, cantor and choir is to assist the congregation in singing the Mass.

Soloists have very limited possible roles within Catholic worship.  Their role is to assist the congregation in its prayerful meditation on the mystery of salvation.  An appropriate solo is possible during the presentation of the gifts and after the congregations’ communion hymn.

Ordinarily, trained and prepared liturgical ministers may exercise the role of cantor, lector, or Eucharistic Minister.  Family members or friends who wish to read at the funeral Mass will meet with a parish minister before the Mass for a brief “training.”

One family member or friend may speak briefly before the “Final Commendation” when invited by the presider.  The brief words need to be prepared and approved beforehand.  Spontaneous remarks and eulogies can be offered at the luncheon afterward.  (see GUIDELINES below)

The pulpit will be used only for the proclaiming of God’s Word.

Non-religious symbols may not be displayed in church at the funeral Mass.

Eulogies and biographical sketches of the deceased’s life cannot be spoken within the church service, but are appropriate at the conclusion of a wake, at the family gathering after the burial, or may be included in the printed worship aid.

We do not label or title our funeral Mass as a “Celebration of the Life of. . .” That label is frequently used in our culture for the funerals of celebrities.  But, every catholic funeral is a celebration of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus – Eucharistic celebration.  The deceased is remembered as one who shared in Christ’s life through baptism.  We believe that God is faithful to us, and so we believe that the deceased lives in Christ forever.

GUIDELINES FOR LAY SPEAKERS

The following may assist parishes and funeral directors to develop clear and helpful pastoral practices in guiding those who speak in remembrance of the dead:

Only one person should speak at the Funeral Mass or Funeral Liturgy outside Mass.  Others may speak at the Vigil Service or Committal Service.

The reflection should be brief: no more than 3 – 5 minutes (one typed page).  Speakers should be reminded of factors such as:

- The time involve in traveling from church to cemetery.

- The schedule of the church, funeral home, or cemetery which may have several services that day

- The need of some in the assembly to return to work or other responsibilities.

The reflection should be prepared beforehand, and ideally reviewed with the priest or presiding minister beforehand, to avoid undue length or embarrassing situations.

Priests should suggest that storytelling, anecdotes, poems, songs, etc, can well form part of the Vigil Service or Committal Service, or better be used in a domestic situation.  These can also be printed in the Worship Aid.

The following suggestions may assist the bereaved to prepare the words of remembrance:

The words of remembrance should be about the deceased person’s human qualities (including their life of faith), and how these qualities can inspire the hearers.

The speaker should speak honestly and compassionately, reflecting the life and circumstances of the deceased.

It is neither necessary nor desirable that the speaker attempt to give a life history of the deceased.  Instead, an itemized obituary of the deceased person’s life history might be included in a booklet that is prepared for the funeral, rather than read at the Funeral Mass.

While only one person will speak at the Funeral Mass, the reflection could well be a summation of remembrances gathered from family members and friends.

It is useful to rehearse the words aloud to ensure that the hearers are given a clear message about the deceased person, and that the speaker is able to deliver the reflection well.

SOME QUESTIONS ON “SPEAKING IN REMEMBRANCE OF THE DEAD”

What is the difference between a “eulogy” and “speaking in remembrance of the dead?”

A eulogy recounts some or all of the significant events in the life of the deceased.

Words of remembrance do not attempt to give a biography, but to share some insight into the faith and values of the deceased as seen in one or two examples from his/her life.  A eulogy by its very nature tends to be lengthy, while words of remembrance are brief.

Do the new Guidelines mean that all eulogies are forbidden at Catholic funerals?

No.  A eulogy is only forbidden at the funeral Mass, in accord with n. 141 in the ORDER OF CHRISTIAN FUNERALS, which states:  A brief homily based on the readings should always be given at the funeral liturgy, but never any kind of eulogy.

However, no. 170 of the OCF does permit “words of remembrance” at the end of Mass:  A member or a friend of the family may speak in remembrance of the deceased before the final commendation begins.”

Both eulogies and words of remembrance may be offered at a vigil service on the eve of the funeral, or at the cemetery.  These are also the appropriate places/times for playing favorite secular tunes or showing slides or PowerPoint displays of photos of the deceased.

Are there any exceptions?

There may be particular circumstances that would require more than one speaker, for example, a state funeral.  In such a case a certain protocol of allowing a member of the government,  or perhaps others is to be expected.  But normally other speakers should be directed to speak at the vigil or internment.

WHY ARE GUIDELINES NECESSARY?

For several reasons:

Some Catholic funerals are losing their essential nature as an act of worship of God and prayer for the soul of the deceased, and becoming settings for a series of eulogies;

While the funeral is a time of support for the bereaved family and friends, there should also be consideration of other factors:  people taking time off work to attend, funeral directors having difficulty with scheduling multiple funerals on a given day, parishes having need of their churches for other liturgies, etc.;

If one speaker becomes emotional and has great difficulty delivering his/her words, the situation becomes uncomfortable for the assembly and often results in more grief for the bereaved at a time in the liturgy when they have hopefully been lifted a little beyond grief through the Eucharistic celebration;  this possibility is compounded when there are several speakers;

It has happened that, when there are several speakers, some in the congregation think that anyone is free to walk up to the sanctuary and speak, resulting in very lengthy funerals;

On not a few occasions, inappropriate remarks glossing over the deceased’s proclivities (drinking prowess, romantic conquests, etc.) or about the Church (attacking its moral teachings) have been made at funeral Masses, embarrassing the priest, the family and the congregation and becoming the focus of the service.

WORDS OF REMEMBRANCE (A MODEL)

If I were to choose a few words that would aptly characterize my mother as I remember her, “selfless”, “compassionate”, and “gracious” immediately come to mind.  In addition to being a faithful and loving wife and mother, she patiently, gently and lovingly cared for her own mother, our grandmother, who lived with us and was physically disabled for the last fifteen years of her life.  I recall no words of complaint about the tediousness of the day to day nursing care nor the frequent limitations placed upon her own social life.  She taught me that patience, selflessness and compassion are the true qualities of both a devoted mother and daughter.  My mother was a woman of gracious hospitality.  Family, friends and neighbors were always warmly welcomed into our home.  My mother would respond immediately whenever a neighbor had a need.  If there was a death in someone’s family, or if a neighbor became ill, she was there to offer comfort, or to prepare and deliver a meal.  As children, we quickly learned from her words and example, that it was not our place to judge or be critical of other people, but to always look for the positive qualities in another person.  Her parish family was also very important to her.  Mom was actively involved in the Rosary and Altar Society at Blessed Sacrament Church.  While we were in school there, she participated in many school and church functions through the years.  She considered her friends in our parish community as part of our extended family.  Our hearts are filled with gratitude that God blessed us with such a wonderful wife, mother, friend and woman of faith!